I Need You To Know
by Zenamydog
Summary: Coda for 3:14. Sam wants to tell Dean what he should have said when Dean reached out to him. He thinks Dean would find a letter, lame, so he makes him a tape recording instead. MILD WINCEST!


**Title:** I Need You To Know. 1/1

**Author:** Zenamydog

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairing:** Sam/Dean

**Warnings:** Spoilers for 3:14. **Wincest.** Schmoop.

**Beta:** Nope, none. All mistakes my own.

**Disclaimer:** Just for fun. No… really it is.

**AN:** I wrote this because I couldn't sleep. It was written quickly and it's unbeta'd because she is moving house today. waves So… Having said all that, I hope you like? grins

**Summary:** Coda for 3:14. Sam wants to tell Dean what he should have said when Dean reached out to him. He thinks Dean would find a letter, lame, so he makes him a tape recording instead.

Dean felt sick when he sat down on the bed. His hand hovered over the play button. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear whatever it was that Sam had put on there. Shit. What was Sam up to?

Sam had handed him the mini recorder, reassured him he'd be back in an hour and took the keys to the Impala.

He'd been left standing in the middle of the room, with his mouth open, wondering… _What the fuck?_

Dean hit play.

**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000  
**

"Hey, Dean.

Yeah, yeah I know. Cowards way to do things, but…

I'm not sure where to start here, where to begin.

I guess the first thing I want to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I… I didn't do better last night. You know… when you reached out to me…"

**_"I mean I… I'm staring down the barrel of this thing. You know… Hell. For real. Forever and… I'm just..."_**

**_"Yeah."_**

"It's… It's because I don't know how to connect with you anymore, man. I'm so used to your smart ass reactions and your 'no chick-flick' policy that I'm not sure how to react.

Do I sit beside you and hold you? Tell you that I love you? Rock you until you're sleeping, like you used to do with me?

Okay… So I might be a little over the top there, but…

Dean…

Our relationship has changed so many times over the years… And I know you know what I mean, but, now, with so little time left together… I…

**_"I'm really scared."_**

**_"I know."_**

"You'd probably say, you didn't want to hear it and I know you'd shut me down quickly if I tried to voice all this stuff, so I guess that's why I taped it. I suppose I could have written a letter and you can always just press stop, but…

I need you to know… At least this way I can be sure you heard me say it… before…

Do you know what you mean to me, Dean? Do you have any idea what life is going to be like without you?

I love you, dude. Way more deeply than I've ever loved any other human being in my entire life and… and the thought of you not around is more than I can stand, sometimes.

I love you with more intensely than is healthy and I don't regret a thing. Not a thing, Dean. Okay?

Please remember that.

Okay… Well the whole 'getting myself killed and you selling your soul' thing, yeah, I regret that, but…"

**_____"I mean the only person who can get me out of this thing is me."_**

**_____"And me."_**

**_____"And me?"_**

**_____"What?_**

**_____"Deep revelation. Having a real moment, here. That's what… that what you come back with? …And me?"_**

**_____"Do you want a poem?"_**

**_____"Moment's gone!"_**

**0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the tiny tape recorder for a while, before picking up his phone and starting at that instead.

_Fuck!_ How could he have been so insensitive. Yeah, alright, he was the one that's going to hell, here, but…

But Sammy was in pain too.

Dean turned towards the door when it opened.

"Hey," Sam said as he came in. Dean didn't startle, he'd heard him the moment his car keys jangled, but Sam spoke softly, so Dean knew he was nervous.

"Hey," Dean returned the greeting, equally soft.

Dean forced himself to get up and walk over to stand in front of Sam. Get over it. No time left to screw around. Tell him. Tell him. He has a right to know.

It felt awkward. He wanted to do it, but it still felt awkward. He put his hands to Sam's face firmly.

Sam tilted his head slightly, a question in his eyes.

"Don't ever…" Dean squeezed his hands tighter around Sam's cheeks. "Don't you ever, Sammy… doubt how much I love you, okay? You're my baby brother. My responsibility. My job. My world. My…" Dean stopped as he felt his own cheeks grow warmer. "Just… I love you, alright? And I don't want us to spend our last… the next few weeks fighting, okay?"

Tears filled Sam's eyes. "Okay," he said as he leaned in hesitantly and placed the barest whisper of a kiss on Dean's lips.

Dean closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He knew what that was, but he ignored it. Needed to ignore it.

He moved over to the bed and picked up the tape deck. It made a squealing sound as Dean rewound it.

"You're going to give me shit about this forever, aren't you?" There was real concern in Sam's tone.

Dean grinned. He made sure it was an… _Oh_, _you better believe it _grin, too.

He looked down at the recorder and pressed play.

**_"Do you know what you mean to me Dean? Do you have any idea what life is going to be like without you?_**

_**I love you, man. Way more deeply than I've ever loved another human being in my entire life and…"**  
_

_"_Awww, com'on, Dean." Sam whined. His face was bright red.

**_"And the thought of you not around is more than I can stand, sometimes._**

**_"I love you with more intensely than is healthy and I don't regret a thing. Not a thing, Dean. Okay?_**

**_Please rem--,"_**

Dean looked up at Sam and stopped the tape.

Sam swiped the hair from his eyes as his expression morphed from embarrassment to anger. "You're throwing that in my face? That's--,"

"I guess you did give me a poem after all, Sammy," Dean interrupted and Sam hesitated, mid sentence. "Thanks."

Dean smiled warmly and it was clear that Sam wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry. "Dean?"

Crying won.

It was Dean's turn to hesitate as he watched his brother fall to pieces. Take the two steps needed to wrap your arms around him, Dean's heart supplied, but Dean's legs wouldn't co operate, because his mind was playing go-between. This had to be a conscious decision.

Because if he… If he…

"If I touch you right now, Sammy, If I…"

It was Sam who closed the distance between them with a look of pleading on his face and the same question in his eyes. He put his hands on Dean's shoulder and bought there foreheads together. "I need you to touch me, Dean."

"God, Sammy," Dean bought his thumb up to swipe softly across Sam's cheeks. "Are you sure?"

A long moment stretched out as Sam looked at him with love… and yeah… There was something else set deeply in that stare…

Lust.

Dean could see the internal red flags trying to go up in his mind, but Sam was right there, big puppy eyes, strong arms, soft lips and…

_I need you to know,_ hung heavily between them.

Dean found himself nodding slowly, before Sam leaned down and their lips met for real, for the first time in years.

******THE END**.


End file.
